Remember that giddy anticipation you had when you were four years old on Christmas Eve? And every few minutes you’d run to the window to search for Santa’s sleigh and listen for bells? And then when your parents finally made you go to bed, you squeezed your eyes shut REALLY REALLY tight and willed yourself to sleep, but it just Would. Not. Happen?

Well, maybe it was just me. And it was me again this past Monday night. I was up for hours, and it wasn’t because of sweet Baby B — I was waiting (not AT ALL patiently) to see my first published piece on Scary Mommy.

My jitters were a blend of unbridled excitement and an almost paralyzing trepidation. MichiforniaGirl has only been live for a few months, and in that relatively short period of time, I’ve transitioned from a completely anonymous writer who was kind of terrified to share my words to a NOT anonymous writer who is still kind of terrified to share my words. For lots of reasons, the terror is almost worse now that my name and face are attached to things.

So why, then, did I try to get published on Scary Mommy? I guess it’s because, for lots of other reasons, I’m trying to push myself anyway. Continue reading →